Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Blogging.

Perhaps when I can't think properly, I blog. So there'll be a time that I blog endlessly. Like now. I think I'm going to blog again soon to post up the CNY photos. But not yet though. Anyway.

Sometimes I really wanna have my own space to breathe. The capacity of breathing in and out and feel damn good after that must be really great. Too many things and people around me is suffocating. Most of the time I just want time for myself. Perhaps great time to get distracted by the endless content in the Worldwide Web, and good time to think. Think of many many things. Like now.

Thus it's not that I don't like company. Sometimes I just get too much.

I can't wait for a chance to go overseas on exchange. Get out of my comfort zone, make myself stronger and be more responsible for my own well-being. Meet different people (hopefully the country I go to will be friendly). Learn new stuff, gain new experiences. Please please Erina, do better in your studies and be granted a chance for exchange. However..I know I'll miss home badly. I'll cry inconsolably at the airport before take-off. I'll curse and swear at my choice in going overseas. I'll make my parents worry and spend tons to make me comfortable over there (where?). I'll yell at myself at why I didn't get company to go with me. Will I be able to bring po chai pills over there? I reallllly need them for my weak stomach.

All for the sake of learning to be more independent.

Ah, the point of independence. It is not that I wanna be independent therefore I don't want company, I'll need company there and then. Not ALL the time, I'd fall flat on the floor and die. (CHOY.) You know. No I don't know how to tell you. Maybe it's the less dense air around you when none of the people you're close to stresses you. Or add pressure in any other way.

I wanna breathe properly so I can play the tuba without doubting myself if I can do it. Maybe you can't see the link, but I need to relax before I can play the tuba properly..

And then the list of homework due got to come into my mind during the pieces. Damn.

T_T

I watch reality shows like American Idol and wonder why the people on TV could have friendships that seem so surreal to me yet they're real? What am I missing out? Dawned on me if I'll be able to have such friendships at all. But I'm enjoying myself with the kinds of friendships I have. Then why am I asking for more and something else? Why am I contradicting myself? I'm going 20, and yet I (censored). I hope I forget the censored part in time, because it only describes me as a fucktarded bitch. Seriously.

I want to sleep (but not increase flabs at the same time). Will that happen at all?

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